


Welcome to science

by Deanpala



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Carlos Adapts to Night Vale, Eldritch Abomination Cecil, M/M, Night Vale is Alive, The Voice of Night Vale, Typical Night Vale Weirdness, carlos is going nuts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-04-28 11:48:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14448663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deanpala/pseuds/Deanpala
Summary: Welcome to Night Vale told from the audio journals of Carlos the scientist.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is supposed to be like a transcript to a podcast so there will not be descriptions out side of verbal

“Day one of research expedition into Night Vale.

Before even getting into town we started seeing some of its strange effects. It couldn’t be found on any map anywhere and does not appear to have a known zip or area code to call or mail them. Along with that when we got close the radio turned itself on and every single station except one that said random numbers was the same. The man just started talking about an illegal dog park and hooded figures as well as Angels? Hmmm, I’ll have to check into that later. Today though, we are looking more for the amount of weird rather than specifics right now.

Hold on a second, Stan is saying something about us being mentioned on the radio?”

_Why his perfect and beautiful haircut? Why his perfect and beautiful coat?_

_“_ Is- is he talking about me?”

_He says he is a scientist. Well…we have_ _all_ _been scientists at one point or another in our lives_

_“_ I don’t think he understands how that works because that’s not it”

_But why now? Why here? And just what does he plan to do with all those breakers and humming electrical instruments in that lab he’s renting – the one next to Big Rico’s Pizza?_

“Wait how does he- never mind I’m getting off track. Sorry. Anyway that’s all for now, outside the fact that we keep getting surrounded with people yelling ‘interloper’ while pointing menacingly at us. It’s quiet unsettling, I hope it doesn’t ruin the town meeting- Hold on a second. Did you just see that Rachael? That airliner just vanished into thin air. They aren’t supposed to do that.”

*muffled talking in the background*

“Fine your right, I don’t want to be late. I’ll talk more on this later.”

*Static*

“Okay, so a LOT has happened in the last few hours. The meeting went well although that radio host kept rambling about me again- I hadn’t even TALKED to him yet what’s that guys problem? And how did he know what I looked like, he wasn’t even AT the meeting. Speaking of which there were agents of a vague yet menacing government agency which can NOT be constitutional, but I suppose I can see the need for government intervention since there seems to be nothing normal about this town.

It turns out there’s a house here that miraculously does not exist! It looks like every other house so it would make more sense for it to be there than not but after looking at it under a microscope, there aren’t any atoms or particles of kind! Can you imagine the implications of having something being there for all intents and purposes but not taking up any mass? The possibilities are _endless_.

Along with that this town has being having an insane amount of seismic shifts and radiation with no physical effects on the people or land here meaning we could possibly find ways to earthquake proof towns naturally and end radiation poisoning! And- and get this….. The sun didn’t set at the right time today! Time in night vale works different than the rest of the world! It’s honestly astounding I cannot believe this town might have all the answers we need even if it doesn’t make sense. I’m going to start investigation on the radiation tomorrow and see if it effects people not native to this town. End log”


	2. The glow cloud

"Day fourteen of Night Vale research,

Honestly at this point trying to go into depth about anything really is pointless because NOTHING MAKES ANY FUCKING SENSE!!!!!!!!!

*Sound of throat being cleared awkwardly*

I'm sorry I'm going to need to edit that out this is just so... INFURIATING you know?

Anyway, they have a place called Radon canon here which literally keeps you from breathing? All evidence pointed to radiation not being dangerous to town natives, but apparently that doesn't apply to this. It's so  _weird_ and stupid. Is it just basically Russian roulette on if it will kill you or not? This will be a main point of interest for studying radiation but more on that later.

The thing currently taking presidence is a huge glowing cloud which has killed someone already. I haven't seen it but that radio guy... Cecil? He's reporting on it and he hasn't lead me wrong yet"

" _If we had to shut down the town for every mysterious event that at least one death could be attributed to, we’d never have time to do anything, right? That’s what the Sheriff’s Secret Police are saying, and I agree. Although, I would not go so far as to endorse their suggestion to run directly at the cloud, shrieking and waving your arms, just to see what it does."_

"Aaaaand statement redacted.

speaking of weird deaths and radio hosts, he's reporting on the mass murder in the post office. apparently the racist guy is saying he broke in to investigate. That can't possibly go well for him."

" _And now a message from our sponsors._

_I took a walk on the cool sand dunes, brittle grass overgrown, and above me in the night sky above me I saw. Bitter taste of unripe peaches and a smell I could not place nor could I escape._

_I remembered other times that I could not escape. I remembered other smells._

_The moon slunk like a wounded animal. The world spun like it had lost control._

_Concentrate only on breathing, and let go of ideas you had about nutrition and alarm clocks._

_I took a walk on the cool sand dunes, brittle grass overgrown, and above me in the night sky above me I saw._

_This message was brought to you by Coca Cola."_

*snort* "that is NOT how ads work but ok, sure, I could go for a coke right now.

....... Oh no. We planned a questioning to try and find out more and Cecils convinced everyone to pretend to know nothing. Great, just- Will nothing give me answers he-"

*a splat and a girlish scream is heard*

"....................... apparently that cloud is raining dead animals now. I........... think I'll record inside the lab the rest of the day till it stops. The interviews are pointless now anyway and I need to do some test on how gravity works here for that cat.

Side note, apparently insurance fraud is still illegal here which is good. I mean, you'd expect it to be the same laws as the rest of the country because thats how the government works right? But no, apparently murder is legal here. The fact I didn't even think to mention that the false insurance claim was sent by a five headed dragon till just now really shows how much this place is messing me up. I feel like that should've taken presidence.

And the idea of being awarded for helping catch a criminal is smart, but making people immune to stop signs? Not so much. Did you know it is LITERALLY impossible to drive through a stop sign here? You just stop automatically no matter how hard you try to leave. Unimportant.

Oh hey Cecils updating us on the community calendar. I'm not much for socialization, but maybe attending some public events would help people feel less like I'm going to kill them or something for sharing weird information. Lets listen."

" _Saturday, the Public Library will be unknowable. Citizens will forget the existence of the library from 6:00 AM Saturday morning until 11:00 PM that night. The library will be under a sort of renovation. It is not important what kind of renovation."_

"This place has a library? And the ability to erase memories? I'll just add that to the list"

_"Sunday is Dot Day. Remember, red dots on what you love, blue dots on what you don’t. Mixing those up can cause permanent consequences."_

"What the fuck would they do to me? They're just dots?????"

_"Monday, Louie Blasco is offering bluegrass lessons in the back of Louie’s Music Shop. Of course, the shop burned down years ago, and Louie skipped town immediately after with his insurance money, but he’s sent word that you should bring your instrument to the crumbled ashy shell of where his shop once was, and pretend that he is there in the darkness teaching you. The price is $50 per lesson, payable in advance."_

"pfft, scam"

_Tuesday afternoon, join the Night Vale PTA for a bake sale to support Citizens For a Blood Space War. Proceeds will go to support neutron bomb development and deployment to our outer solar system allies._

"WAIT WHAT THE HELL DID THEY FIND LIFE AND SPACE THEN JUST GO TO WAR WITH IT??? NO, NOT GOOD, WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK THEY FOUND ALIENS???"

_"Wednesday has been canceled due to a scheduling error._

_And on Thursday is a free concert. And…that’s all it says here."_

"Ok, I need a second. I mean, I just found out that aliens are apparently fighting us and that we can cancel entire days in time? What the ever living- Ok, get it together Carlos."

*Long moment of silence and heavy breathing*

"Did- is Cecil possesse- ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY GLOW CLOUD, ALL HAIL!"

*static and the sound of a tape being turned off then on again*

"I- what just-

I feel like I'm missing something. I............ gotta go."


	3. interlude (things get weird for Carlos)

"Day twenty of night vale expedition.

Things are NOT going well and I- I- I don't- I don't know what's happening? To this town, to me, in general and it's- it's really freaking me out to be honest?

Gosh I don't even know where to start I- Ok, I need to get myself together I should just- just start at the beginning, that's the place to start.

I saw Cecil at the grocery store today, that's where I should start. He- he looked like a daper 20s radio host and had his tattoos and one extra eye. Now I KNOW that doesn't sound to weird besides the eye but heres the thing.

Last time I saw him he was native American. And he was African American before that. He used to be like seven feet at one point though I can't recall his face from that time and now he's- gosh I don't even know, I KNOW his apperence was weird somehow and I REMEMBER what he looked like but I can't pin point it? It was like he was made to be perfectly normal, not tall, not short, not fat, not thin, and yet I KNOW his EXTRA EYE should be a sign he's weird and not normal but that's just the vibe he gave off, a whole 'don't notice me' thing.

And I don't even know how I knew it was him despite the entire appearance change.

That's not- that's not the only thing though. He called me 'Carlos the scientist' like everyone here does and when I went to correct him.... I- I couldn't remember my last name! It was just- the scientist but thats a JOB not a- a- a NAME for petes sake!

Other things are happening too, things I haven't touched move and I get sudden lapses in memory and-

*deep breath*

I tried to leave town, I couldn't handle it. But right when I got to the exit sign I found my self re-entering it. I spent over an hour trying to leave but- I'm stuck.

I can't remember who funded this expedition or my family or even who I AM.

When I got back Cecil was waiting for me near the lab- looking entirely different this time, with white pupil-less eyes and brown hair with white on the top instead of purple eyes and being blond- with some casoral or other that screamed when I stabbed it. It was- scary, but surprisingly sweet.

*awkward throat clearing*

Anyway, he said he was sorry about all I was going through even though I have't spoken to him on a single personal matter and then- something happened. He sort of- sagged but his eyes still focused on me, and his voice- it wasn't his.

Theres something wrong here, with this town with Cecil with me-

It's like some Eldritch horror that only wants to play with me I- I-

I don't think the town wants me to leave."

*static*


End file.
